I had to go and call the cops today while I was high. I feel every day more and more like the "me" that I've been for my whole life is being torn away in pieces by fuckwads on quads and dirtbikes who refuse to allow me the quiet peace that I've cherished for so long.
Perhaps I don't deserve it. Why should I get to have a buffer with the outside world? I'm not special I suppose. But this is how it has always been. And I don't think I could cope if it wasn't anymore. But every day things are changing...rotting away.
First it was the flood of new houses all along this side of town. On my street, against my property. People, with their god damned suburbanite families and "Bush Chenny 04" signs (in fucking massachusetts...god damned morons)moved in and began to deconstruct my life.
They brought with them children who had never seen a yard bigger than a postage stamp and slapped them down next to 80 acres of relatively undeveloped land. And they go hog fucking wild, especially cuz there are roads so we can get from one part of our property to another. They think they own the fucking place.
So I have to hem myself in. I consent to gates, and locks, and I feel cut off from myself, but I'm still protected and whats more, my anxiety abates.
But no, we can't be fucking satisfied or civil...the fuckers just game back and tore the gates down. Now its just a war...a nail bitting cigarette smoking, police calling war.
I used to live in a forest utopia. Now i could live in the inner city for the fucking peace I'm left with.
*** on a happier note, bear just got back with news that one of them fucked him self up really bad trying to run from the cop :) now *that* makes me smile. Perhaps there is a grim happiness that goes along with this.
