I keep trying to put it all down in electronic little bits, so that maybe I can sort through it later and make it make sense.
There are more connections to count every day. Through some strange twist of quantum mechanics we've lived parallel lives on our own sides of the gender line and arrived here in time together. There must be a reason for that, and while I want it to be the infantile, wish-fulfillment reason, i fear more as we get closer that I can never meet the standards he has set for himself. And that's beyond the point at the moment because there is a giant case of "true love" in the way.
Oh, and how I kick myself for letting THAT one sneak past. I try to comfort myself with the idea that I had to take the shot, had to see where it could go, but the hermit part of me inside screams that I should have honored my own rules and run screaming the second he mentioned his girlfriend. Or if not screaming, at least I should have pasted on my best socio-smile and aborted the mission, letting our million commonalities make for interesting work banter and nothing more.
Now, instead, I'm living a new version of my life. So far it has been good, but in 8 days I'll be forced to take a front row seat for the true love reunion and honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to take it. Of course, I won't have a middle school meltdown because I've grown, but I can't say what I will do. I hope I'll handle it with good humor and grace so Yehuda will be proud, but if I can't manage that then I'll have to rely on my masks and the passing of time.
