waiting...for her to leave, for tommy to come back, for the courage to rise up inside so I can tell scott that this shit has to end.
I can't be this fucking person any more. I did it down to the wire and I'm broke, tired, lonely, and inconvenienced. What did I get in return for all of that? My crazy cat is a little more socialized, my heart is a little colder, and I gave my ability to calmly approach a sticky situation a workout. Was it worth all I put in? Not by a fucking long shot. And that makes me sad.
It makes me sad to be talking about it in the past tense too. Dark dreams all yesterday convinced me that he's planning to go, and it makes sense. He's been disengaging in some ways for awhile, and that's fine. It'll be whatever it has to be. I'm doing my best to do the same so that it won't hurt as much as in my dream. Where is my socio when I need it most?
