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Diaryland

So...on the surface it's fine. Congenial and friendly, *almost* as it was. Underneath however there is a web of omissions and half truths, small little clues fueling my ever over analyzing mind. I think it will be over soon, at least cohabitation, and most of me is relieved. The small part of me that wanted so much more still aches though. I wish it didn't.

It's just an echo of my time with JC in a lot of ways. It started out great with a million things in common and fun times galore, but it turned into me giving my all and getting just about squat in return. To me that says that while I've grown and learned something, I've still missed an important aspect of the lesson I was supposed to learn. The cruel cynical part of myself tells me it's that loving anyone is dangerous, and a bad idea, but I know that's just fear talking. The sign that could have stopped me was the girlfriend, but that's not the lesson itself per-se. I'm going to keep working on it though, so maybe next time I can actually find some sort of happiness instead of a roller coaster through the sociopathic house of mirrors.

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