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Diaryland

So a couple of years ago I broke off a corner of a tooth and suddenly: BAM I was completely aware of my teeth and their health. Flash through the next two years of me brushing and flossing every single fucking day! I made it my religion, I took floss to school, to work, to people I didn't know houses, and I used it. I can *distinctly* remember each of the three occasions in all that time that I did not floss or brush before going to bed (each can be blamed on alcohol, the bastard!) and the thought tortured my poor hung over mind the entire time till it was remedied.

And of course I knew all this flossing and brushing wouldn't fix the pre-existing problems, so I went to the dentist and got prodded, drilled, and filled, on several occasions. For the last 6 months though finally I'd been laboring under the idea that I had a clean, sacrosanct mouth.

Today of course, I found out that all my religious fervor, all the funny looks, not to mention what's probably getting to the hundreds of dollars spent on floss did me absolutely NO fucking good. I have 5, count them 1..2...3...4...5! fucking cavities! All in between my teeth where they swore flossing would be my fucking savior. It's complete bullshit!

Of course my mother brought up the point that if I hadn't done all my hard work maybe it'd be worse, but at the moment that's little consolation, considering she followed it with that grin I can't stand and a reference to how I'm a direct product of her (a thought that, though I could never tell her, is terrifying to me and makes me even MORE depressed about everything). My floss had become my security blanket. My grown up constant companion that made me feel like I was finally doing SOMETHING to help myself, to really make sure I saved myself money and heartache down the line. Now I feel...empty.

I know that's melodramatic, and maybe I shouldn't have attached that much feeling to my teeth, but I did damn it and just like alot of things I seem to put so much fucking effort and feeling into it seems like I could have reaped the same rewards without having lifted a fucking finger. Which is terrible thinking, that I have to stop. I guess that's enough about all that for now though, I have to go eat something with my traitor of a mouth!

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