I keep having the damn cat dreams. I always take them to mean I'm anxious about something. Probably my mother again, she's a total mess and I have no idea how to fix her. How to fix anything, really, but she's always there in my subconcious with her damned brimming eyes beseeching me to make it all better, somehow. Plus she recently told me she was going to have to borrow money from her stupid boyfriend to cover the cost of some work here on the farm, a concept which does quite a bit to worry me seeing as she keeps me in the dark as possible about her finances.
Or it could be one more birthday coming at me, which by this point isn't really much of a happy celebration. I never set any goals or anything crazy like that, but by this point in my life I thought I'd have done...something. Anything really, besides work a back breaking part time job, take 3 too many years to get a piece of paper (another thing my mom loves to remind me about in her happy backhanded ways, always quick to forget that it took her multiple DECADES to do the same damned thing), or to have failed so colossally at love, and thus find myself willing to fawn after fallacies like this summer.
I know I'm supposed to keep looking forward, learn from the mistakes, blah blah blah, but somehow all that doesn't translate into the night stories where I'm trying to not lose the damned cats.
