Modern life is oversimplified and too complicated, which in this world of quantum paradox is totally possible. I had a lot of brain barf to go with that thought but it snaked itself up into a giant snarl so I gave it up instead. Yay.
Work tonight. Last night (not)gay young one made a big point of telling me all about his young fabulous weekend and his DATE that he is going on with A GIRL who he totally needs to impress. He also regales me with all the work related things he's gotten up to, which I find interesting, but more in a "why does he show me this stuff, boy he's funny" sense than in the strictly material being viewed kind of way.
One thought pulsing deep inside my skull/soul these days is that I have to find other employment. Not that this hasn't been grand, and not that I won't keep this one too, at least for as long as I can manage to, but it's obvious I have to find something for which they will pay me that I can sociopath my way through for 25-40 hours per week on the clock time. I mean shit, I even have normal hair now, which both makes me sad as hell and more fabulously incognito at the same time. I don't get "secretly" followed through stores anymore by moronic 17 year old employees or have to answer stupid questions from old ladies picking out cereal next to me. There are upsides, and one of the big ones is that now, since I have a degree and can usually manage to at least seem sorta socially acceptable, am totally employable in at least some sort of job that involves a desk and a chair instead of a mop and a bucket.
Although I do love my mop and bucket. I really do. Last night I after my young little friend left I was all alone for 5 hours, moving my body which badly needs to be moved, listening to someone read me a story I've been working on getting to my whole life basically. I had the freedom to leak when someone died, talk back, and take a gratuitous madonna break to sing and dance while I vacuumed. I can do exactly what I want in exactly whatever order I want as long as the place turns out clean, and, this one really matters to me, I very very rarely have to have an awkward social interaction with the member of the public. There are rare exceptions on weekends when someone corners us, but for the most part we hide and honestly my new hair has totally helped with even this. I've always known the art of going dim, and it's a LOT easier to practice when you aren't having to try to hide a rainbow.
But I miss that fucking rainbow, and I swear on all the cats that ever were, are, or shall be that the day I do whatever the fuck it is that I'm going to do that will make it so that shit ceases to matter, the rainbow is coming back. I don't care if I'm 60, i'll be THAT lady. That's awesome.
Till then though, a job....what job wouldn't make me want to murder people? Something to ruminate on while making small talk today I guess <3
