Oi.
Vey.
Nothing too wrong, nothing too right. Everyone else is worse off than me in most respects, so I should, in some human-comparison way be thankful for my relative ok-ness.
But I'm not. Of course. There is still giant gaps of lack, and no matter how much I try to be thankful and no matter how cozy and warm and happy I am once I get my smoke into me with peep snuggled up against me and can do whatever digital amusements my little heart desires, there is still the part of me that will always want MORE and need SOMEONE and doesn't understand why I can't even have one half assed bad-for-me asshole that would semi-satisfy me at least on a physical basis.
I try to look at it as being saved from mediocrity, but seriously masturbation only goes so far and I'm starting to go insane. I get why crazy cat ladies are crazy now. *hint* it's not the cats ;p
I keep having dreams where I'm with someone and we go to stupid places like used bookstores and plan to do puzzles with each other and I wake up totally aware of my solitary little resistant existence.
Maybe it's just the birthday thing. Bah, this is no way to spend your day off! Bitching ends now! <3's and hugs and light and yeah.
p.s. the red friend also came, so i blame her. If you're still reading, so should you :)
