Wow, it's been awhile...
Where to begin? It's all so everything I've ever done before, mixed with the possibility of something more, and the agony of "I don't want to send you mixed signals" which is hard to pin down in words anymore.
It's companionship, which I end up missing, at least in it's simple binary form, and it is total sexual frustration. It's the curse of the platonic couch and the blessing of all that I have to "offer" being appreciated. It's being simultaneously unclaimed and chased.
All in all, I guess it is what it is, and as we've established over and over again in the face of my squeeky, grabby, leaning-towards-clingy tendencies, whatever will happen will happen, whatever will be will be, que sera sera, and blah blah blah.
None of this really explains anything, but it's the best I can do right now since I spent all my blow-by-blows at work blabbing at jenn. Do I want assurance, a title, commitment? Sure, all girls do. Can I live without it and wait to see what happens? Yeah, I really can. At least this one is nice to me and pays his own bills. He even fixes things and does dishes. I just have to let my fear of abandonment and rejection go, and embrace whatever comes. Maybe you really can't get what you want, but I suppose I am sorta getting what I need, and that's better than it has been in awhile.
