I have so much to get off my chest and the words just won't come. Probably because I've already spent most of them trying to talk this through with him, which in reality is better than just pouring myself out online and not saying shit about it to the one person who actually should hear it. Maybe that's why its all died every other time before. I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't die this time before it even gets a chance to be something but at moments like this I am close to despair that I'll never actually connect with anyone in the one way everyone really wants to. I'm trying to change patterns, and not just let my pessimism mentally ruin everything for me, but it's hard considering that if I blow this, I've really fucked something up. He fits the edges of my life perfectly, overlaps in all the right places, and without getting all gushy and vadgy I could really see it lasting if we can just climb over this giant roadblock of history and pain, I'm just having a tiny bit of trouble keeping the faith. Please universe, help me!
