Current
Older
Profile
Rings
Cast
Reviews
About
Links
Notes
Email
Guestbook
Diaryland

Drunk again, more in depth than ever with the mixed signals grab bag. Little presents and clues to the subconscious mixed with overt tones of "get away from me". I bring this all on myself though. Karma and what not. If only I wasn't so sick as to keep up the ole charade of always being "at the ready" so to say. My poor vadge burns from the razor rash and aches at the being left alone. Sure masturbation is fun, but it's less fun when you know an available penis is less than 20 feet away and isn't involving himself for some unfathomable reason that didn't exist a month ago.

Not that I'm complaining. Ok, well I am, but I really should at the same time give credit where it's due, and it's due all over the place. Mother wrangling, computer building, farm saving. Thoughtful gift buying. Attentive roommate. All of this matters, of course it does. Just the getting laid seems to try and overshadow it all. If only I was as asexual as I always tried to seem, or if I could just be older and more resigned to a sexless life, but at this point i hear by bio clock screaming, and it's not even about babies. It's about gravity and youth and hormones. It's about men getting the privilege of aging like a fine wine and chicks getting to turn soft and scary like and old fruit.

I crave physical contact. I have had so little of it in this fucked p life of mine, besides the few spurts where it was there constantly, and all I've learned is to not get too comfortable with it because it will abandon you at any moment. This usually is something I think of as having made me stronger but in reality has just made me all the more fragile.

Plus in a couple of months it will have been five years of singlehood. Half a decade in what is supposed to be the "prime" of my life and I've wasted them to the internet and false hopes.

Jesus, this isn't getting me anywhere but tear stained on my new fabulous kick ass computer. That's just wrong so I'll gather up my yehuda and just be thankful for what works and try to let go of what doesn't.

previous - next

Design