Got kicked out of bed for the first time ever last night. The familiar claim of "needing space" was made. So I went, after what was for me only a very small amount of confused crying. Alone again in my little cave in the sky the cats escaping dreams returned. Awesome.
Loving the sociopathic is a losing bet. Every time I get close enough to feel safe they shove me away with both arms. Eventually I can only counter that with walls built on top of walls, and I become more isolated, more alone, and more desperate to finally connect somewhere along the line to someone.
I can't stop my stupid heart though. She still "loves" but at the same time she's under another layer of ice today. Slowed to the point where it's pointless to even try and beat. I'm sure this isn't bottom, so I'm sure she'll thaw out again, much to my detriment. Until then I get to live in the ice castle again.
Here's a song the universe gave me, and I clearly see myself as the "she". The only question is how to stop being her??
She Loves Me - The Descendants:
She Loves Me It'S Not Just In My Head
She Loves Me Even Though It'S Not Been Said
And If Anything Means Anything Then This Means Something Good
And I Guess I'D Love Her Back If I Only Could
She Loves Me I Can See It When She Smiles Ear To Ear
She Loves Me And I'M Sure That She Can'T Hear
How I Scream Out For Someone Else
When I'M Asleep Or By Myself
How I'M So Sad I Hate Myself
Don'T Know Where To Go For Help
Her Love Could Never Grow Sour
Becomes More Pure With Every Hour
And I Never Wanted Anything Like That From Her
But Still She Loves Me She Loves Me
She Loves Me It'S Not Just In My Head
She Loves Me Even Though It'S Not Been Said
And If Anything Means Anything Then This Means Something Good
I Guess I'D Love Her Back If I Only Could
She Loves Me And I Know She Can Accept Me For Myself
She Loves Me But I'M Sure That She Can'T Help
How I'M This Close To Cashing In
How I Chase Dreams That Don'T Exist
How I Hate Girls And I Hate My Life
The Pain That Rips Me Tears Me Ruins Me
And Her Love Could Never Grow Sour
It Grows More Pure With Every Hour
I Never Wanted Anything Like That From Her
But Still She Loves Me
(Now I Don'T Have To Be All By Myself)
She Loves Me
(She Don'T Love No One Else)
She Loves Me
The Way She Loves Me
The Way She Loves
