It takes so little to make me feel good :/
Drunkenly being folded into his arms, some uncompleted fumbling, then an hour of hearing that breathing and heartbeat of another human being I curl up alone in bed and ache for so often. Then I got myself up and I took myself away, because I know better than to tempt fate and risk the "why are you in my bed" sober-ish awakening. From the clues I gathered this morning he has no recollection of events, and after some consideration I'm not going to give him a play by play. What he doesn't know can't hurt him, but him finding out can become a very painful afternoon for me. Is that honest? I don't know. At worst it's the sin of omission, but it isn't like he asked me "did I get all huggy and handsy as you were trying to make sure I was in bed with the alarm set and some water to combat the hangover that could fuck up my job interview in the morning?". If he did I'd be upfront, but unless or until he asks I guess I'd rather just remember my little piece of happy since I've learned by now it won't be repeated on any schedule I can predict.
What concerns me is how little that interaction actually is. Maybe an hour of being in the place I most want to be? A place I can never even dream of going to sober, or at least while he is because of his increasing denial of me. My romantic side wants to spin tales of him only being able to escape his issues when drunk, and that somehow underneath he always feels like touching me, but my practical side knows that drunk people grope and fumble. It's pretty much why humanity started keeping fruits and vegetables till they'd gone all rotten and potent I think.
Anyway, I'm sure I had a hand in creating it somehow since I spent most of the night beforehand raging inside because I had been interrogated as to the status of my "relationship" by a new guild we joined in the game and dismissed as merely the roommate. It brought me back to being 14 all over again, but at least then the comeback was "no she's my best friend" instead of the dismissive "just roommates" and the boy in question was inarguably smokin' hot which I know upped my street cred by miles for all the people who never bothered to ask and just figured we fucked all the time. I doubt I did much for his standing, but when you're good looking enough you really don't have to worry about that part. So on some level I had something to prove and maybe I put myself further out there than I have been lately. All I can say for sure is I didn't make the first move and I won't apologize for having enjoyed it, even if it was short and unfinished.
