He's still wallowing. Making a commitment to myself to just keep going, no matter what. Fuck how he feels, fuck how it makes me feel. I will smoke enough weed and play enough games to drown him out. Going to sleep crying so I can wake up with puffy, sadness encrusted eyes is getting old and making me look that way.
I want to go to him and hug him and help him feel better. That's what I would want if I were as miserable as that. He wants me to leave him alone, get away, stay away. I thought that maybe if I could get him to just "let me in" it'd turn out that he really does want the love and support, but all that did was make me feel worse and more rejected than ever. I guess my only other option is to give it to him his way. Maybe it'll make him feel better, maybe it won't, but it won't make me feel any worse and at this point that's all I'm going for.
