Yay it's getting to be that time of the month. My life starts to look a little bit less than, my failures seem larger, my gray hairs (yes plural, god damn them) seem the most prominent thing I can see i the mirror.
I feel myself getting older. Never at the peak of youthful attractiveness to begin with, I feel ancient and unwanted when the semi-attractive 22 year old guy at dunkin donuts calls me ma'am.
The man I live with may be my best friend but he'll never be the partner and lover I'm looking for. My fear of abandonment and our boring-yet-complicated attachment keeps us from separating and keeps both of us stuck in this mire, doomed to either end badly or go on forever in limbo.
In short, the hormones aren't kind, I blew through my california sunshine to try and numb these things out before this wave came and despite planning ahead I failed at putting aside enough to see me through. Work is long and I'm the only one who does anything, my people make it worth it, but at the end of the day I still sleep alone in my own arms.
Jesus, I'm a bag of happy aren't I? I guess I should go back to doing stuff, otherwise nothing will happen here today. Hurray for life!
