So yes...yes I remember this feeling...it's painful, yet it brings me back to where I probably belong, out of the clouds and back to my concrete reality.
In English you ask? Ok, well basically i just got a reminder of why it was I didn't like hanging onto Jon's bootstrings as much as I might romaticize it. I had forgotten how impersonal he could be, how easily he could just brush me off when he wanted.
And yet again it all comes from reading in between the lines...nothing with us has ever been out in the open like normal people, its always in silences and sideways glances, as I think I've probably mentioned. This time I called him just to ask about tommorow, because I had forgotten to ask about what time etc. and I got the very distinct feeling he'd rather be talking to anyone but me. One worded answers coupled with an "oh, was I supposed to call you?" was enough to almost crush my heart, until i realized it really doesn't fucking matter what he says/thinks/does, because in the end its not my problem really...which is good...I guess. But it still stings...alot more than I'd like to admit :(
