I really feel it today, the first of May.
I should be graduating in 20-some odd days. I had thought I had gotten over that I won't. Its not really the "keeping up" that gets me, its that EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO BE DONE :( :( :(
I have grown to loathe school. after 3 years of pre-school, 12 years of grade school, and now 4 years of college I am absolutely done, yet I am still 18 credits short of a graduation. Its killing me. I know it will work out somehow, but I don't have that feeling of freedom I crave.
I'm still waiting for the answer...to come from somewhere. I had thought maybe this thing with Jenn might do it, but I just don't have the patience I don't think.
Maybe JC and Jon will make it, maybe I'll get to be their manager and hot air bag to have around. Then again I may have to go employ myself in some shit-bag job that whiles away my life. Or, in a worst case scenario (the most likely one too I"m afraid) I'll become a cranberry grower like my mother, even though I don't know how, I don't want to, and they aren't worth anything even if I did.
Everything is a son of a bitch. I feel poor, stupid, and used up today. And in 3 to 4 hours people will be coming and I'll have to put on my beer drinking happy face. Wish me luck.
