Gah I haven't written in days...
Its been one of those slumps...i don't want to see people, talk to people...do anything. Its terrible because there is so much I could be getting done, but instead i sit around and bitch and spend money I don't have. And bake cookies. Lovely golden fattening cookies. Even they are against me :(
I've been scared of Jon for 2 days now. I just can't be alone with him, it makes me feel like something might happen. I'm not sure of the rules in this whole 3x thing. Mostly because nothing exactly *has* come of it yet. But I still imagine it might. And unfortunatly JC has had to be away the last 2 nights so I haven't felt good about being alone with Jon.
Well maybe thats not true...because it would be wonderful at the same time. But I don't want to cross a line I can't uncross...somehow it seems like if bear isn't there it still *is* cheating, and I wouldn't want to do that.
In other news I went to the lawyer this week and it is going to be at least a year before I get my cash :( The upside is that when I do I will probably get it all instead of having to wait until I'm 30, but I was kind of counting on an advance or something. My mom gave me some cash, but I had to put it towards my credit card. Plus she's going to have to pay my tuition again, but I think I have to repay her when I get the money. Booo :(
But I still live in la la land...these are my biggest worries. I will still have a house to live in, food to eat, so much freedom I could cry, all the land to explore and use that I could wish for. I know I am lucky.
I just don't know why it doesn't make me happier.
