So...so
Well I played hostess...i actually had a great time, although i'm rather put off by the fact that *nothing* has still happened yet between jon bear and I...I suppose though patience is a virtue and there *were* other people around.
I had a really good time, old school style. I got drunk and sat around a fire, then we walked to the sand pit and i found a fraction of its former beauty still left there. Then we came home and I made cookies and we watched Donnie Darko again. I fell asleep on Jon and all I can remember is his smell. That same wonderful mix of whatever he uses for personal hygene mixed with whatever is uniquely *him*. I've missed it so. Those are the things I miss most...not the sex-type activities, fun as they were, but the closeness.
I remember how he used to hold me close and tell me impossible lies about how i was beautiful and things that made life seem possible. Of course he had a girlfriend at the time, and he never once considered leaving her for me, but those special quiet times while we watched TV or talked or whatever were magic. Still are, if you can force them into existance.
How strange the small tendrils of memories past that we hold onto. How oddly things all come together. I wish something would happen though...something to let me know that this is still all in the works and that maybe, just maybe we may actually do it. Of course, maybe i'm just selfish...all i can do is smell him on me, all I want is to hold him tightly...how bad am I?
