Do you know what I miss most?
That crystaline feeling that everything was wonderful. I'd spun it around myself so quickly when I found my bear I don't even remember how it got there, so now I'm at a loss to put it back.
People say to me that its just settling in, the newness wearing off, but it feels different than that. It will be four years in 2 weeks. I figured it would have worn off before now. I remember a year ago at this time I still felt that magic flutter inside at the idea of him. Now it's just...gone.
I feel responsible in a way though...things that are too good to last never do. I shouldn't have expected it to be magical forever. Maybe I'm lucky it ever was magical at all.
What makes me feel worst of all about the whole fucking situation is that he doesn't have these problems. He still thinks that I am great. He is still attracted to me. He is still there, every single day, showing me that I am a heartless bitch.
And I realize that was what I had wished for, and that when making wishes I had neglected the most important part: completeness. I forgot to add my eternal enchantment to the list. Now I'm bound by codes of morality, and loyalty, and fear, and honestly yes love, because I do love him.
*sigh*
