It's terrible that this show is about an old woman being raped. But it is comforting me in a way. The old woman is *exactly* how my grandmother would have been if she had possesed tact and a small sense of humor. Other than those two differences though she's my Mummu.
It makes me miss her. She made most of my life a self-hating living hell, but I loved her and she did have an akward kind of love about her. She was only so mean and cold to me because she belived that one day it might spur me to lose weight, keep queit, and stop (for the love of god) dying my hair, and instead join her in her vision of my best me.
It didn't really work out that way, but my self loating is doing a pretty good job of eating away at me, so maybe she did win, in a suitably ironic way.
The best part is I came here to talk about my "revelation" with bear today. I'll have to write about that later, i'm in a totally different place right now.
