I've been trying to get back into the swing of reading/writing every day. It can be a bitch.
Everything I've read today has appealed to me on a personal level. I got this bargain book at amazon with my nifty survey winnings called Food and Loathing. I've only read a little bit so far, but I understood every word. She talked bout being humiliated in gym class and cut down by well intentioned "friends". How its so easy to become overly loud, overly friendly, and overly unreal to protect yourself.
I've left that part of me behind in many ways. I can no longer be that boisterous, outgoing person I was then. It does sometimes make me wonder why I've become like this...why I've cut myself off from every human being I know with critical few exceptions. In many ways, I am just completely socially inept, unless I'm living that "look-at-me-i'm-the-jolly-fat-girl" game, and I just can't do it any more. I haven't done it in awhile, and I'm afraid if I ever want to have a normal social life again I'll just have to put it back on.
Which is why I stay inside and hide. I just wish I wanted to change.
