:/
You know...i sign myself up for this. I always forget what it's like when I'm stuck knee deep in him, sensing with every moment that he knows my every thought...disecting his tone and content for all the hidden meanings.
At least I finally talked to him, but I was the one who had to call, and it was a bit strained, even akward. Some points were scored on either side, some sly exchanges of information, but mostly all I can remember is the way I always feel about 700lbs and 2 feet tall every time he has to bring up topics like the staggering number of hot girls in his new neighborhood. I am sure he does this for some stratigical reason related to his ego, but it never fails to smash my stupid weak little sense of self.
My silly online tarot reading had this to say today: "Why you are getting involved so deeply? What's driving your impulse to be part of the dialogue? Is there an urge to act beyond your mandate rather than function as a clear representative of truth? Be certain to assess and know this before you assume this role."
That's a good question to undertake the answering of. I don't really know why I'm getting myself involved in this, if this actually does turn out to be anything at all. Of course there is the fact that I've always been attracted to him...that the mere thought of him after months of no contact leaves me flustered and gushy. Then there is the fact that if it went my way this time i'd be like getting to do the past over, and what human being *isn't* looking in some chance to remake a fractured past?
Anyway, now I must sleep because in several short hours I go to play barbara walters and then go bog it up. Yay!
