I have to get this god damned paper done, but with JC on my fucking mind all the time I just can't keep focused.
Even with the fun eye candy distraction down at 7-11 I still can't shake all my stupid feelings and doubts and recycled ideas about our failed little relationship. Over and over again I sift through the rubble of something I know in my most concious mind that I'm lucky to be rid of, yet still some tangible piece of what we had remains inside my heart like a stubborn splinter.
Sometimes I think I've overcome it, only to realize that I've managed to shove it in deeper and let it heal over some. Just a few scratches at it, a sight, a sound, a smell, and it's right back at the surface, cutting through fresh flesh. Then, I want nothing more than to just keep digging, bringing the ache completely out to the surface and exposing all it's ugliest truths.
I feel so alone, so left behind. I don't know where he is, or what he's doing. All I know is that it's not with me, and I can feel it down to my bones on cold nights. I need to find the strength inside to love myself enough to feel good again, without there being a body in my bed to keep me warm. I've just never been that keen on me.
