Ok, this whole dating site thing is getting overwhelming. It's making me face up to some issues I wasn't exactly prepared for.
LOTS of guys are smiling at me, and sending me emails and frankly, I don't know how I feel about the attention. I mean, of course it's flattering, and exiting, but it's also terrifying. I am so used to assuming men have no sexual attraction to me on an everyday basis, and it's hard to snap out of that.
I also have to deal with the fact that I am just *not* interested in some of the guys who are checking me out. I've never had that experience before either. I'm always bracing myself for rejection, so I've never thought about being on the doling out end. It's scary.
It's also scary to think of the guys I am attracted to that are interested in me. Despite the fact that I just got out of a 5 year relationship I feel like I never dated before in my life. I'm getting the idea that, at least after awhile, maybe I was only with JC so I could hide from men entirely. Now that I'm out and exposed and being judged favorably I'm malfunctioning. I've gotten 3 emails and 2 smiles JUST WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS ENTRY! I can't deal.
(I'm also loving every second of it...all these angular beautiful men from Europe seem to dig me...perhaps it's time for an overseas vacation?)
