So I know I'm a bad person for logging into his email, even though he really should have been smart enough to change the password when we broke up. Or at least once in the last 8 years or so anyway, but that still doesn't excuse me from what I know is childish and self-defeating behavior.
But I do it anyway, because I am forced to drive by the house where he goes to see his portugese-feet girlfriend on a daily basis, because I'm weak willed at 4 am, and because i have an insatiable need to know things that he doesn't know I know. Like the contents of his and his girlfriends employment applications and references (telephone numbers included!). Like all the stupid netflix movies he has in queue. Like all the passwords that get mailed to him, such as his myspace, aim, and just today neopets.
That one hurts. We used to do neopets *together* and mostly I'm trying to not give a shit, but it's not really working. I liked that site, it was cute, and he got ALL my accounts I ever worked on frozen. He was toxic sludge to most things I liked in life, but I still miss the things we did together. Man I hate stupid vaginas (especially mine when it misses someone who was *so* bad for me), and I suppose it's good thing I'm working on all this.
That's why I'm writing about it instead of just filing it in the "I didn't do that" folder of my soon-to-be-shredded-memories compartment. Because I won't let myself remake an account to go on there and play and "run into him", I won't keep tabs on if he and his new girlfriend play together, and I won't revel in the fact that I know this means he's back to old wasting-time habits and hasn't changed an iota. I'll even try to keep my semi-enlightened little ass out of his email, but it sure is hard. Inquiring minds sometimes just HAVE to know.
*sigh*
