Gah! School tommorow. I know I'm lucky and I staved it off an extra day than the rest of the returning to school crowd around here, and that I only go one day a week and and and, BUT I'm still anxious. I've been taking online classes so long that I feel weird having to get up at a certain time and go someplace, not to mention that I've never been to this particular campus before. I know where it is at least, so that is one less worry, but as for finding my way around I'm as helpless as a freshman for fucks sake. Ok, well maybe not AS helpless, I did print out the shitty campus map they had on the website, but anyway, yeah, I'm still nervous.
I've always been like this. I remember starting the first grade on less than a 1/2 hour of sleep because I'd spent the entire night before in a little fucking ball of worry, getting up every 45 minutes to try and cajole my mother into letting me quit school at 6. (I had never heard of home schooling at the time, although if I had I don't think there would have been a way for her to make me leave that house the next morning) Comparatively now it's alot better. Of course, I also know alot more of what to expect. The kindergarten/1st grade jump seemed huge. The teachers made the transition seem monumental, and to a 6 year old they were. Gone would be play time and half-days, and in their place would be workbooks and lunchtime in the dark gym-ateria downstairs. The most monumental thing about tommorow is that if I've played all my cards right this will be the LAST class I have to take to get my peice of paper. I don't want to jinx it or anything, and I already can think of a couple of mini-fires I may have to put out, but it's nothing to be nervous about. If anything I shouldn't be able to wait for it to start.
And I guess in a way I am excited. I dig the topic at least, and if the teacher is cool it could be a really good semester. But that's another area where the worry creeps in. What if the teacher sucks, or what if I'm stuck in a class for a douchebags. What if (horror of horrors) someone I *know* is in the class? What if this is one of those teachers who dig group work? I hate nothing more in the world than group work, and if there's someone you know it's even worse. Sure, it sounds worse on the surface to get stuck with a stranger, but with a stranger it usually stays cordial and distant, and there's an off chance that you might even end up liking this person. If there's a person you know, and you get stuck working with them it can become all kinds of complicated....and I know myself...i drop classes when things get complicated. Phone...
{Insert 1:30 hour conversation on phone with my mother}
And I'm back. That woman always manages to keep me on the phone through 3 "getting ready to go" segments. Oh well, I guess instead of worrying I'll just go delve into some more escapist fansty :)
