Ok, so I've re-iterated it a time or two in here that I love my mom to peices, no question. Besides giving me life and raising me she has a dear generous heart and has always encouraged me to be exactly who I am, no matter who that is.
BUT
She drives me fucking insane. Like lately, she's decided that since her health is shitty that #1: I care to hear every detail of every fucking ailment she has, sometimes ad nauseum each and every time we speak and #2 that since I'm her natural blood daughter that I care about every detail of every ailment that anyone I'm related to by her ever had. And I'm not.
Admitedly the conversation today started because I told her I feel shitty all the time and have been bitten by many deer ticks, so I asked her to make me an appointment for bloodwork to see if I have lyme disease. A simple cause and effect request.
Anyway, I went to go get my mail today and spent an hour and a half going over all the latest symptoms she might have of whatever various old person disease she read about this week, culminating in the her describing (for the 1000th time) how much she sweats when she goes to the grocery store. I shit you not. In vivid fucking detail. The woman wanted to be a writer, but never did anything about it except channel that desire into long winded verbal descriptions of things. It used to be ok because it could be about anything, usually something weird about history which was actually kind of interesting, but now. Oh no, it's a 15 minute description of how the sweat forms and where it goes while she's doing what.
And maybe it would be ok if this happened just once. I could chalk it up her funky nature, sigh that she never writes any of it down so I don't have to hear about it, and move on. But it happens EVERY TIME I talk to her. I swear, even in conversations where I carefully try to manuever around anything that might make her jump into the topic, she'll get there somehow. It's like she's addicted to making me suppress my natural urge to gag while smiling, nodding, and making non-commital noises of awareness.
Then today she went on to make it even worse, tracing it back through our lineage, and then interrogating me as if I were going to sprout into it any moment. WoW. Talk about the fucking light. I did my very best, and only started chanting "let me leave, just shut up, jesus christ" in my head a couple of times before I caught myself and made myself stop, smile bigger and remember that I love her and want to humor her, because god knows, if she's even half as fucked up as her millions of ailments would suggest she could be dead any day, and then I'd feel awful.
Besides, on a side note, these things always do happen in 3's. My grandmother died, this lady from our family that I don't remember but that Patty is all worked up about died, and now someone else almost as to die to apease whatever aspect of the universe delights in mathematical jokes of this type. Despite how crazy she makes me, I really really don't want it to be my mother. I love her, and even if I do have to hear about her god damned sweat a million more times, I still want her around.
