The awful time is impending. By the time I wake up she'll be here, all fucking rosy and happy to be back with her man. Gag.
The endurance tests started early. Jon came by tonight. I passed with flying colors I think. I did hug him goodbye, but his scent wasn't the intoxicant it usually is. Maybe his having a kid really killed it, or maybe I'm just so stuck on the new that the old doesn't matter any more. In any event, I turned down the chance to get laid even though I'm fucking aching for some human warmth and will be pushed nose first into the fact of it in other's lives for the next seven miserable days.
Bitter? Yeah, probably. But damn! I am certain there is some sort of alternative true-love out there for me, but I'm damn lonely waiting. And fuck, at this point I don't even really want "true love", I'd just like someone to touch my vagina, and maybe, MAYBE do some obnoxious cuddle/snuggling with. I love my dildo cuz it never gives me any sass, but it also never rubs my back or kisses my neck or whispers anything in my ear. As a stand-offish, half sociopathic person I don't need a whole lot of physical affection, but none at all has gotten hard to take.
I guess I can't sit here and bitch too much about it. It's my own personal choice. I haven't gone out there and looked for anyone. If I only let fate dump people in my lap, how can I be upset when they come attached to giant karmic resolutions? At least I can say I successfully navigated an old iceberg today, so maybe there's still a chance yet.
