The sudden appearance of the ex on facebook has kind of sent me for a little reel, coming as it did on the heels of the disintegration of the sexual side of this little adventure. Some sick part of me wants to send him a message, but what the fuck would it say?:
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Dear ex (who I will specifically not call an asshole),
I saw through the wonder of social networking that you are finally joining the rest of our generation`. Congrats. I see that you are single. That is gratifying. Also, your picture gives me lots of feelings seeing as it features our bed which you stole in your great move-out, the air conditioner you bought to "help us out" which went at the same time, and some pictures from hit parader of trent reznor that I remember staring at while we (foot)fucked A FUCKING DECADE AGO and I'd be looking for anything to keep my attention because I didn't want to zone out and let you know how fucking bored I was lest I lose the only "real" thing I'd ever had.
WOW! I AM SO GLAD TO RELIVE THESE FEELINGS. Especially since now I live with your ex best friend and we just stopped fucking. That sure is interesting. Suprisingly we get along fine despite this thanks to that great blank desert you and I spent together not fucking but living together and somehow managing to stay "friends" even though I still thought we were in a relationship, seeing as you never broke up with me, and kept taking me to every god damned family event you would have where some well intentioned relative of yours would ask us when we were going to get on with it and get married. You did of course go and line yourself up a new vagina to jump to, and probably even tapped it a few to see if it would work out well for ya. At least I know you were sticking your dick in those feet, cuz I know you, and I know I wasn't providing that particular service anymore.
So where was I? Oh yeah, living with your ex-best friend, which is interesting because he really personifies all the parts of you I actually loved and missed, down to facial expressions and conversational emphasis. I think that's a huge part of why everything got fucked up so colossally fast, seeing as that achy, stupid, childish part of me inside still cried out for you enough for me to dream, on the fucking regular, that we got back together and I was so comforted that it *almost* made explaining how I could be so completely stupid to my friends and family worth it. Once it seemed like that kind of relationship was possible with him I jumped on it like a drowning woman and I guess I started to pull him down with me. Completely understandable. Shitty for me. I bet that amuses you. I hope your breakup was really painful :)
Oh yeah, and the moms thing. Can I ask you if it makes you as annoyed as it makes me? It's been half a decade ladies, give it up. Get over it, make new friends. Awkward! Anyway, this has been really....yup. Hope to not get reminded that we could be friends over and over again for the next two months.
Kate
p.s. How could you really take my fucking cat. You know at the end of it all I think if it wasn't for the cat i'd be fine now. At least I have the other ones, plus a super sweet little one that weighs 3 lbs named squee. They pwn the shit out of that one. Oh yeah, and I have a qualified sociopath on the line who really wants that one, so have fun with that. Seeing as you are one too I think you guys could have lot of emotionally flat fun together.
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Wow, that actually WAS cathartic, but I'll never send anything like it seeing as during the writing (and the pacing and the talking to myself and the cat petting and the improptu yoga doing that it took to get it out of me) I managed to reopen the shaving cut I got the day of the big "we wont be having sex again" blowout and I'm sorta superstitious about things like that. I don't think it's time for another emotional explosion this soon. I'll just post it here instead. Thank you interwebz :)
