I will let it all go. I will give up expectations, disappointments, and my bodily desires. I will keep my distance and this will keep me from falling back down into them. I am well practiced in this and know like any addict worth her daily dose you can only take it one moment at a time, really. I can only promise that right now I will not fall prey to his scent, or my own visions of what-could-have-been. I will not indulge in my overreaching fantasies that just end up dragging me down by never materializing. It is ever so much harder when I am in his presence, but this is where I will have to be strong. I must marshal up my inner emotional sheriff to keep the order and preserve the peace.
I will instead revel in the things that make me happy. My kitties make me happy, and they love me just like I want them to. My replacement TV makes me happy because it was free and because it is 10x as beautiful as the television of my spite that served me well for the last 5 years. Marijuana makes me happy, and I thank my wonderful friend for donating some to my cause because this all would be so much harder without being able to breathe this calming cloud while letting my "feelings" escape out the cyber-hatch into this diary and hopefully out of my soon to be dreaming head.
