So today...well lets see, it was the big anticipated Sunday. It was good because we got to hang out and smoke some and just have a general good time, but it was also weird in many ways.
For one thing I saw Jon's family for the first time in like years. I forgot how much I loved just being around them, and how nicely his mother keeps the house, and just how at ease I am there. And I got to meet the new addition to the family, as his sister had her baby on Friday.
Then since my bear had bitched out we went to get lunch together and it was actually ok...not as akward as I would have expected.
Other than that, there were moments...god he knows *just* which buttons to push, which is probably what the whole problem is anyway, but man letting him push them feels so good...Just the warmth of his body near mine today was enough to honestly satisfy me in ways I can't even explain.
God I guess that makes me such a jerk. I just can't seem to get exited with my bear anymore...with us its always school and work and life and houses and shit on top of shit. With him, I feel young I guess, and somehow free to feel sexy, or at least desirable...which is a slap in the face to my bear, beacuse he makes sure I know that he loves me just the way I am every day, but its just....not the same as being able to grab someones eye, you know? Ahh, whatever, I know its going to come to nothing...I can dream, that is all.
("Can I lick the back of your neck?" Could it have been anything else?)
