Ok so i'm hopeless...
All i do is read peoples diaries. And even though I'd really rather not have anyone I know find mine and read it, i still read peoples that I know of and find. Because I guess by putting it out in the world I give up the right to privacy, should people figure out how to find my diary (most of the ones I've "found" have been in peoples away messages, profiles etc. etc.).
So what is all this self-righteous rationalizing for? To set up this lovely spew of emotions that is welling up inside of me.
Tommorow it will be Thanksgiving. That means later on today bunches of people will be relocating back to my town (much like most other towns i'm sure) for the big celebration. We have one of those cute little rivalries with a neighboring town and we play the football game every year. I used to be a band nerd, so for four years of my life I actually had to GET UP on Thanksgiving morning, miss the parade, and go freeze my ASS off in the cold metal bleachers of our field or theirs to make sure they didn't miss our out of tune frozen rendition of that pedofile Garry Glitters silly football anthem.
So as I was reading my daily diaries I remembered to check out this girls that was the co-drum major my senior year. lo and behold she was talking about her memories of this event (predictably she has a more favorable view of the whole thing because of her ass-kissing status in the band and her further 4 years at a top marching band college) and all of a sudden that whole set of "chapters" from my life came flooding back to me.
It drives me crazy how quickly time can really get going when you start to lose track of it. It used to seem an eternity between those awful freezing football days. Now I realize that I look back on the last four years and it could have been yesterday I was being forced into going back to that game my freshman year of college.
Maybe not forced though. I did have a brand spanking new boyfriend that I figured my highschool hometown world had a right to see courting my fat ass. To prove to them that maybe all those years I was NOT just a lovelorn fat girl hiding behind a smile,loud voice and bright hair. I was a person they had been *missing* out on. You know, the classic "FUCK YOU" to every time I was picked on, talked about, teased, harrassed, belittled, and forgotten.
So for the first time that stupid freezing day felt *amazing*.
That wasn't quite where I meant to end up, but since i'm riding the high of that memory i'm going to go out and give bear a big kiss, just cuz he's still sitting there now.
