Bear is on the phone with Jon right now. I had a feeling it was time for him to emerge. They're hashing up all things male: Hunting, Football, Weightlifting.
I wonder what he'll say when he sees me. It's been months. He always peers inside and strikes straight to the core, so I have to mentally prepared. He could even be here tonight, although I think Bear is fending it off. He's incredibly social right now. I'm at my most anti-social.
I can hear them talking about losing weight. That idea is scary. Jon should forever be himself. On the first day I met him, as I was driving him home, we talked about our mutual fat-ness and I remember him saying that "It's who I am you know, I'm fat, thats me. I hate it, but it's me" and I can totally identify. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself (which I am) when I get smaller. But in lots of ways I like it. I suppose maybe he'd like it too.
I'd tell him that it doesn't matter, I like him the way he his, but he wouldn't hear. I never have.
