Its now 7 days till my birthday. Next monday I shall be 23. I figured I'd spend this week trying to figure out what should be different next year.
Of course the standards apply: I'd like to be thinner, richer, and happier.
Realistically I want to lose a little weight. I recognize now that I will probably *always* be rather...venus-like (i.e. warm, and soft, and rather smushy), and i really just want to be healthier. Thinner would be fantastic, but healthier is probably best.
Also, I'd like to start really managing my finances. This *may* even mean getting a job outside of this place. I just fear the trap of having to be my mothers right hand AND take shit from the man for 7 bucks an hour. There has to be a happy medium. In this vein bear is getting some job and is goign to start giving me some cash so if I have to take over paying for everything and get a shit job, at least I won't be the only one.
Other than that, I just want to find some sort of meaning in the world. There is little that gives me hope now. I've never been particularly filled with joy or anything, but I have this real sense that I've lost something. I've never been religious, I find most of that stuff to be completely offensive to my logical mind. Yet I see so much that makes no sense without relying on spirits and magic, and psycic distrubance, that I waver all the time. I'll still never want to go to high mass, but sometimes I *REALLY* think about things that Jesus said...and how they echo the only truth of all...do what thy will yet harm none.
How can Christianity have come so far away from what their savior gave them? He wouldn't approve of slaughter in another land to instil a foreign belief in his good name.
He wouldn't have approved of at least 99/100ths of Christian history. The inquisition anyone? How about the Holocaust?
The only thing i've ever felt attuned to was the cycles of the earth. I think its my girlness that does that. I'm forever tied to its moon cycles, and such the turning of the year. That makes me a Druid then? Except I watch the last 2000 years of abuse taking its toll on our only home and I can't feel the same, just hopeless.
Wow....sorry for going off on the religious...I try not to do that, out loud anyway.
