I wanted to write a happy entry, becase I have pretty good reasons to be happy today, but i have to talk about last night first :(
Last night he managed to do it *again*. For the 5th night in 7 days he promised he'd be early, promised he'd call if he'd be late, and swore six ways to sunday that he was going to his friend Miller's house.
So flash forward: 2am...I'm driving around our ho-dunk town checking parking lots and the sides of the road. Driving by that rat-shit Miller's house. Not seeing his truck there. Driving home. Not seeing his truck there. Anger beings to boil....Crazy Girlfriend-beast calls the (actually) sick Miller and wakes him up to scream at him, finding out that JC was *never* there that night.
So now I'm sobbing and swearing and trying to figure out the logistics of moving his entire basement full of computers/guitarcrap/porn right into the front fucking yard, and he calls as he comes up the driveway, like he was the good guy for having called at all.
It's a wonder I don't strangle him, he swears he just went driving after two other friends blew him off too. I don't know the particulars, and I even probably do believe him, because once he told me what he was stressing about we got to stay up late having one of those terrible "calm" conversations. We talked about the things we both want and don't want, and it sounds as if there is not a whole lot of compatability anymore, if ther ever was.
I'm betting its just as simple as we met each other too young. I want stability and all the other typical girl things. He's got to go out in the world and follow his dream, and I don't have the temperment to go with him, so it means I'm going to have to be alone. If he doesn't at least try, he'll resent me for the rest of my life. I can really understand that. I'd resent him if he tried to drag me along, and he doesn't.
Either we'll stay together through it or we won't. He's obviously shown the ability to stay w/ me despite the fact that we only rarely have sex. It'd be like that, just including that I'd never get the small ammounts of time I still do get with him. Abscene makes the heart grow fonder, and I've noticed I actually miss him while he's not here. Maybe it would be like therapy? I get along best with my cats I suppose.
But the day goes on. And I got one of those great calls that I know at least I am always hoping for before any engagement, appointment, or other schedualed event: The receptionist with her biggest appologies and a request to reschedual. So I called my mom and sauvely got her to do that part, and I'm now free to have coffee on the porch before I start in on the woman's studies project that I swore I'd work on if I got "extra" time today.
