It's terrible...I really may have to end it :(
I don't know how, he keeps swearing he'll change...but he's a self-centered asshole. When I tell him about how much he hurts me, all he can respond with is "well I guess I'm just a prick". Everything is always about him, even if its me. And I can't do it anymore.
My eyes are throbbing, he's just left for another night of god knows what. If he misses work again he'll be fired for sure. Then maybe I can go back to being the only one with money, even though all I ever do is smoke pot and play video games (and hold his motherfucking life together).
I'm so sad, and so bitter, this probably isn't coming out well at all. I wish my mother wasn't so scary, I'd go see her. I can't take a dose of her "mother daughter connection" tonight though.
Also, as a nice little pie in the face from fate, guess who ends up behind me on the road while I'm sobbing and talking to the asshole, en route to pick up Tommy? (since i've just listed the other two people i mainly speak with, I bet you can probably guess): Jon.
*He* knew I needed a hug. *He* listened to me, and told me kind things. It's scary, but both him and Tommy agree that JC is no good for me. Hell, even JC agrees with that, and I guess so do I. Why do I stay then?
Because its too hard to extract from each others lives...beacuse i've invested so much by going this far and I feel like I should get more out of it than a broken heart.
I was shutting up though. So I shall...maybe a long bath w/ a trashy tabloid would help?
