I'm having trouble holding myself in all of a sudden tonight. I feel like i'm constantly on the precipice but I can't shove myself one way or the other.
I think about the person I used to be. The person I am now. The person that I'll always be living beneath this forsaken shell.
I feel like I just might pull an Ophelia any minute and go wandering off into the night wearing my PJ's and sandals. It's the return of nothing is wrong but nothing is right. Stasis. Acceptance. Fate.
Jesus, I need to lighten up :/ So what if its 2am and once again god knows where he is, or when he'll be home. I don't even expect a call this time...he's off with that stupid dog-touching friend of his, and of course he couldn't manage to take his (my) phone.
I guess I must have known this was how life was supposed to be or whatever, but i really can't stand it. The main use he had to me was someone to be here, so that 3am wasn't as scary. Without him to do that, whats the god damned point? But I have no balls, so onward it goes :( I think I'm going to go enjoy kittens now.
