I wish I could make changes. I realize how bad this whole situation is, but the inertia I have to fight against to change it is just completely overwhelming. I can't manage to make myself do it. I try and confront him on our issues, and it never goes anywhere.
Like last night I had to go down into that frigging basement to retrieve my dishes and mugs and I figured I'd do him a favor and bring up his laundry (why would he have laundry down here? was my first thought, so at least I know i'm still a little on the ball) so I picked up his shirts and they all stood up in peaks. That means he's been fucking jerking off down there. Now don't get me wrong, jerking off is a male necessity, or whatever, but he's told me he has no interest anymore, but he most certainly must to be making his neat little t-shirt mountains.
So I asked him about it when he finally got home around 7am. He just muttered some stuff about how there's no love or passion in that, and I fired right back that I am not getting any love or passion either, so right now the shirt is +1 over me. And he just didnt respond. Then he went and got breakfast like the whole thing was over.
I don't want this anymore. I just don't know how to stop. I figured we could have a good argument about that one, but it just fizzled into nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to find the courage to let this go without a big bang to propel me.
Now if only I knew how...
