So :/
Josh was nosing around tonight on AOL. I was *supposed* to be practicing my social skills, but instead I ran downstairs and bleached out my roots, which I died bright yellow and orange(to augment the foliage we've somehow nuked out of the environment. Go republicans, woot! Next maybe we can get rid of that eyesore the moon and put up a nice Bush for Emperor of Earth billboard...)
I just couldn't take the idea of having to go through THAT little gem of the past again with him. Although, nothing makes Jon come out of the woodwork like breaking me and Josh up, but thats something I've already done and felt shitty enough about.
Sure, sure, I know, the friendly, social human response wouldn't be to dart downstairs and start an emergency dye job, but the idea of talking to him about my fucking breakup, and his feeble attempts to provide solace I don't need and comfort I can't stomach, made me absolutely terrified.
I've been trying to overcome that as much as possible, without a terrible ammount of success. I haven't even managed to call Jon like I wanted to. He has a tendency to be a little less than sensitive when he's feeling weak or sad, and I'm far *too* sensitive to not feel completely insignificant when he says something tactless or cold.
I've commited alot of social sins over the last 5 years though. Even if I wasn't the *best* person in the world before that, at least I remembered how to call people and have friends of a sort. I blame alot of that on school though...school gave this kind of backbone to the week and to the day. An inescapable rythym that wove me in with other people. Without it I'm lost, alone, and not altogether unhappy about it. I just realize I can't exactly bitch about certain people not calling me or wanting to talk to me, just because I finally do want to talk to them. Hmph.
