Jesus, I'm not holding it together very well :/
I want to be the kind of person that believes I'll go and be a good person and do my schoolwork and attend class. But if I keep feeling like this I know I wont. I am so fucking hormonal. I hate myself.
I hate myself for loving anyone I've ever loved. What the fuck is wrong with me? I sit here drenched in tears one more time over a man that can somehow button-hole me into the exact same situation, even though I changed all my expectations entirely.
I do understand the problem though. Fucking emotions. No matter how detached I can manage to make myself be the other 25 days of the month, when I'm this chemically saturated it's impossible for me to not attach emotional significance to him. He is emotionally significant to me. He always has been.
I wish that wasn't so in alot of ways. I would be easier to deal with all of this. I understand in an evolutionary sense why it is that men want to spread their seed as far and wide as possible, I just don't understand why women have to be so genetically hardwired to be sad over the way they behave.
In any event, I have to at least go write up the questions I was supposed to do, so when I'm making up my excuse tommorow I can send them along as a sign of good faith.
