Well, I lived through the dreaded anniversary.
I did not go to get myself tested. I am a bad person. I just couldn't handle the idea of doing that today, of all days.
Jon has also not called to tell me whatever his results were. I'm feeling *really* wonderful about that. He said a few times when he was over here last that it might just be better if he never talked to me again (to save me the heartache...what a laugh) and in a way I'm afraid that he really might try.
I really fucking miss JC tonight as well. I know I shouldn't, but it doesn't matter. The screaming child part of my brain that he could quiet by being mine is getting louder. She wants her safety back. Even if it wasn't everything I needed, it was *something* which is better than the fucking nothing I have right now. I can't even get a call back Jon. I feel hopelessly pathetic.
I really need a fucking hero :(
