I just can't get around myself today :/
I have to go in there on Wednesday with SOMETHING of value to show my professor, yet every time I sit down at this computer to write I completely lose track of anything that I might have been thinking to say. Instead I just keep rhuminating over the same old stuff.
Jon is ever present in those repetitive thoughts. Yesterday he actually called me, several times, and of his own accord even. It was surreal, but I don't knock it. I hesitate to even think about it too hard, for fear that he'll hear me and never call again. I hate myself for caring at all.
There is still potential with him. When I talk to him, neurons fire, connections are made, and reality bends. I actually inspired him a little bit, and he wrote something darky beautiful about love, which he felt compelled to call and share with me as he cleaned out his car, while I was cleaning out mine. (synchronicity will get me yet)
I've also been extremely social lately, which has led to some positive and negative things. On one hand there is the potential that Jeremy, Jon, and I could undertake a project that might actually turn into something worthwhile. On the other hand I've had to spend *waaaay* too much time with Jeremy's girlfriend. While she is much better than she was in highschool she still irritates the hell out of me after long enough.
Also, they are having trouble living with his mom, so they are trying to get me to let them live here. I just couldn't do it though, not 24 hours a day. I feel awfully selfish to have the space and not share it, but I don't want to have to kill her. And besides, I actually kind of like living alone. It can be scary sometimes, and lonely others, but for the most part having things just the way I want suits me well.
At least I was able to summon up the courage to actually lay it down to Jeremy that his girlfriend isn't someone I'm particularly interested in sharing my house with, and I think he understood it. I did try at least. For now, I think I'm going to go lay down, give today up for lost, and start fresh again in the morning.
