So...
I really tried not to make a big deal of it...(probably because the eternal internal cynic wouldn't allow it)...but saturday was a really good night. Me and the co-worker got along famously. Many things deep, and sweet, and loaded with potential were said. His girlfriend magically was demoted to an often embarrassing "girlfriend" (air quotes most definitely included) who was on her way out in both a physical and seemingly emotional sense. We bonded over shared philosophies ranging from marijuana in the workplace to our favorite serial killers. His paper bag even cracked open a hair, and a little bit of heroin and heavy metal fell out. It was beautiful, but most of all hopeful.
Maybe it's because it'd been so long. Maybe it's because I have a vagina. Maybe it's just because the world is cruel, and difficult every time it can be, just to see if we completely break.
Apparently, all of this was while he was totally blacked out drunk. He remembers none of it. The cynic is giggling with glee, because truly, SHE knew. How on earth could it happen so easily? It couldn't, the simple answer.
"Come hell or high water the men you want will not, can not want you. Not out in the open where people might see, and know. Sure, they might skate around it while completely out of their gourds, but back in the ego-driven material realm any "feelings" are a whisper on the memory of a breeze. And you were an ass to believe otherwise, for even a second. Like I kept telling you. *giggle*"
And now if I am unlucky and he does as he casually threatened, he is going to bring the re-promoted girlfriend with him into work one of these days, and I will have to wear my most painful mask. I will be expected to perform as always, and the double leo backbone will help me out there, but the sick acid swelling inside is the punishment for my hope. I hate to see it that way, and Yehuda's begging for something in the corner, but at the moment I can only hear her, giggling.
