Entries keep getting eaten. Things are better. Not more hopeful, or more happy, but better. I semi-successfully restored to a previous save somewhere before we fucked and after the clever banter began. I suppress/repress all the memories of his hands on my skin and somehow have managed to look him the eye again.
Weirdly this seems to have worked, somewhat. He still says sweet things, does helpful stuff, makes weird jokes and watches tv with me. I'm leaving all the pursuing up to him, and after all isn't that how it's supposed to work? I ache for affection but I won't show it, I've felt that glaring lack for almost two decades now, what with being left alone in the world with patty the ice-chest. Speaking of, I just had to tell her that no, he isn't my boyfriend. Awkward. Oh well though, at least I didn't have to break it right out, she left me an opening to throw it down and I did. Now I can at least go there and not feel like I'm living a lie, so the weight of that won't be on top of the pressure to keep it light and not let the emo squeeze out.
