So I let the universe/ka/whatever guide me and I ended up stumbling over this book about attachment. It's been fascinating, and its taught me that despite what some people might thing I am A. relatively normal (sorta, I'm still kinda rare according to all this shit, but at least the shit I think and do in my little crisis are a-o-k regular), B. right about totally cutting people out of my life when it's time to make the big breaks, and C. totally fucking fucked.
Without blah blah blahing about it for too long, basically there are two options. One, say sayonara to the roomate, or two resolve to just not give a shit about my depressing lack of a love life, partner I can call my own, and crushing inflaming jealousy when he does shit like strike back up a friendship with his ex, or god forbid (but i'm sure eventually I'll have to face) ventures into a "relationship. Although really at that point I think I'll just have to go with option one there.
Which is why it's hard. Apparently they've done mri's of peoples brains while they go through a breakup of an attachment and they found that it activates the same emotional centers in the brain that light up when you're in abhorrent physical pain, like when you break a limb. Not that it exactly causes you that physical pain, but it essentially puts you in the emotional equivalent, which I think anyone who's ever gone through a "gut-wrenching" break up knows already. I know I fucking do. And also, it hits up the areas for addiction, so its really like giving up heroin at the same time. All you want once that person is gone is just a little taste. To see them, to feel them, to just be near them one more damn time.
So yeah, it's already that hard and it'll only get harder. Even he wasn't immune from the problem, and it was a little flattering to realize he's attached as well, but that doesn't mean he'll ever be the partner, lover, and best friend that I actually need.
